The Void and The Veil

Your bones, your flesh, so firm one moment – so capable of receiving healing. Your thoughts, your spirit, so fixed within you, so capable of interacting with others whom you love. One moment, and then, the next, you’re gone. The flesh no longer lives, the thought that breathed life into it has wandered or shot out of the shell, quick as a fraction of a moment, gone before we have been able to draw breath to say goodbye. Oh, and how different your eyes without your spark behind them, and how nightmarish they have become for the echo we still remember there. We look, and our own eyes, and our hearts, begin to bleed the tears of loss for being forced to release you before we were ever ready to. Now, the world is different, your echo is everywhere – the space in which you belong, in which you once stood or laid, is unnaturally vacant, abandoned; and there is a void, like a black hole sucking at the light and our hearts, which is felt whenever we see or sense your not-thereness. That void, that emptiness where you should be, tears at us whenever we encounter it, catches us off-guard, and it feels like your going has ripped a tear in the fabric of reality; as though, perhaps, if we were to stand or lay where you once did, we could reach through the veil and touch your spirit and maybe feel whole again. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person or animal, it is simply the worst thing that can happen to those who love them. I found your hair today on my bag while I was out, and I nearly fell apart. You are constantly reminding me of your existence, no more here, absent but unforgotten. I miss you, and my heart is still bleeding its tears.

For Frank, and for Ashley

Ashley

I remember when you were young; a ball of fur with two liquid chocolate eyes looking up so trustingly at me. I remember teaching you what a ball was, and how to play games. Walks on hot days when you’d insist in attempting to lie down in every shady spot on the sidewalk. Your fur was soot and ashes, which is how you got your name. You were often demanding and yet always with a smile and a sweetness of heart that surpassed many of your kind. Gentle and compassionate, we could not resist loving you even when you misbehaved.

Today, you have left us. As swift as lightning, you jumped out of yourself and left us all behind. So quick that we didn’t even understand what was happening until it was over, and that what was left was no longer you. Our sunny day is dimmer now. My joy of the morning has become first bewilderment and now sorrow. No part of my house will ever be the same again without you in it. More than a pet, you were family. And now, we find ourselves bereft and inconsolable.

Unbelief still lives in me – it is too soon. How? How can you have gone? You cannot be ended; you must be somewhere. I will not forget the essence of your soul, and one day, I pray that I may find you, even if not in this existence.

Rest In Peace, my dearest Ashley.. you are loved and will never be forgotten.

 

~ Amarine Ravenwood

In loving memory of Ashley. Pedigreed Blue Merle Australian Shepherd. 03/10/2007 – 09/24/2016
Passed away out of the blue on Saturday, September 24, 2016, from a stroke.