Peace of Heart is Important


Sometimes, I prefer to be lost in my own thoughts over participating in socializing. Even in social situations where people are having conversations, often, my own thoughts are more appealing to me than the conversations going on around me. In my own head, I can be anywhere; I can control my internal environment. I can look out a window and look at anything at all and resurrect a feeling from my childhood – a joy, a simplicity of being, a small taste of recovered innocence – a purity of spirit and feeling. This is how I cope in a world that seems to be getting progressively more negative. I go inside myself and recover myself – my childhood self. I do this more as I get older than I ever did in my twenties or thirties.

Music can take me there, but so can mere force of thought. And the more I do it, the easier it is to go there, and the quicker I can go there, as well. Peace of heart is important. However, I think that I am more in myself than I am in the world. However, it is useful to me to go there, more than just for good feelings. While in this state of being – this state of feeling – I can become introspective and examine my thoughts and beliefs in a positive way. Perhaps this ability to access my inner tranquility and then examine my beliefs is also why I’m becoming less and less afraid of death. I’ve probed and explored my understanding of the concept, and I know it is only a doorway to another existence, and I will still be myself on the other side. With the passing of my dog, death has been much on my mind lately, and I’ve been surprised to find that the concept of death holds little fear for me. Once, it was a thought that had much fearful power over me, but not anymore. There are far worse things, such as suffering, than death.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have an inclination to bring death upon myself, but fear of it no longer has the power it once did over me. But then, perhaps I’m deluding myself. Perhaps when faced with it, I might be truly afraid. I acknowledge that such might be the case. The power of the mind is twofold – the power to change your views, but also the power to deceive yourself while believing you’re changing your views. The mind can be tricky, and sometimes it’s difficult to tell which you are doing until you come up against something that tests your resolve. I have a surgery coming up, which may be a good test to run against my recent conclusions. When I think of the surgery, I do feel some fear, but I don’t think it’s fear of death; rather, of being cut, of being in pain.

I’m trying to extend my peace of heart over this coming event. I’m not there yet. I’m still working on it. I have till December. Willpower, or the power of thought, is a force and has strength. I know this, it is simply a matter of applying it. (I say “simply” when in reality, willpower is far from simple in execution) I’m stubborn. I can do this. And on the day of my surgery, I will try to access the memory of good feeling that I indulge in frequently these days. It may be difficult, if I have anxiety. This “memory of good feeling” is my Zen, and anxiety destroys it. So, the aim is to keep calm and go to that place when the time comes. To be in peaceful tranquility when I go under the anesthesia is a goal I’m holding onto right now..

~ Amarine Rose Ravenwood

The Void and The Veil

Your bones, your flesh, so firm one moment – so capable of receiving healing. Your thoughts, your spirit, so fixed within you, so capable of interacting with others whom you love. One moment, and then, the next, you’re gone. The flesh no longer lives, the thought that breathed life into it has wandered or shot out of the shell, quick as a fraction of a moment, gone before we have been able to draw breath to say goodbye. Oh, and how different your eyes without your spark behind them, and how nightmarish they have become for the echo we still remember there. We look, and our own eyes, and our hearts, begin to bleed the tears of loss for being forced to release you before we were ever ready to. Now, the world is different, your echo is everywhere – the space in which you belong, in which you once stood or laid, is unnaturally vacant, abandoned; and there is a void, like a black hole sucking at the light and our hearts, which is felt whenever we see or sense your not-thereness. That void, that emptiness where you should be, tears at us whenever we encounter it, catches us off-guard, and it feels like your going has ripped a tear in the fabric of reality; as though, perhaps, if we were to stand or lay where you once did, we could reach through the veil and touch your spirit and maybe feel whole again. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person or animal, it is simply the worst thing that can happen to those who love them. I found your hair today on my bag while I was out, and I nearly fell apart. You are constantly reminding me of your existence, no more here, absent but unforgotten. I miss you, and my heart is still bleeding its tears.

For Frank, and for Ashley


I remember when you were young; a ball of fur with two liquid chocolate eyes looking up so trustingly at me. I remember teaching you what a ball was, and how to play games. Walks on hot days when you’d insist in attempting to lie down in every shady spot on the sidewalk. Your fur was soot and ashes, which is how you got your name. You were often demanding and yet always with a smile and a sweetness of heart that surpassed many of your kind. Gentle and compassionate, we could not resist loving you even when you misbehaved.

Today, you have left us. As swift as lightning, you jumped out of yourself and left us all behind. So quick that we didn’t even understand what was happening until it was over, and that what was left was no longer you. Our sunny day is dimmer now. My joy of the morning has become first bewilderment and now sorrow. No part of my house will ever be the same again without you in it. More than a pet, you were family. And now, we find ourselves bereft and inconsolable.

Unbelief still lives in me – it is too soon. How? How can you have gone? You cannot be ended; you must be somewhere. I will not forget the essence of your soul, and one day, I pray that I may find you, even if not in this existence.

Rest In Peace, my dearest Ashley.. you are loved and will never be forgotten.


~ Amarine Ravenwood

In loving memory of Ashley. Pedigreed Blue Merle Australian Shepherd. 03/10/2007 – 09/24/2016
Passed away out of the blue on Saturday, September 24, 2016, from a stroke.